“When are you going to have children?” “Why haven’t you had a baby yet?” “What are you waiting for to have a child?” These are some of the questions that couples experiencing infertility hear often. These questions result in emotional pain that not many people understand unless they are going through the same problem. Well-meaning family members, friends and acquaintances ask these questions demanding answers unaware that each question is like a dagger into the hearts and minds of the infertile couple. “Don’t they understand…don’t they get it?” you may be asking yourself. Time after time you have to put a fake smile each time someone you know announces cheerily that they are going to have a baby. This is not an easy thing to go through but rest assured you are not alone.
The emotional toll of infertility brings with it depression and hopelessness. The treatments for infertility unfortunately may add to these feelings because they may bring unwanted side effects. I remember a couple I know that went through this and boy was it tough! They had decided to undergo in-vitro fertilization treatments (IVF) and the woman had to take some fertility drugs which wreaked havoc on her body. Her emotions had been on a rollercoaster ride and the side effects really made her feel worse. She experienced nausea and mood swings. As a couple they experienced a very emotional and financially draining experience. They both had undergone every infertility test in creation yet tested healthy and with no apparent issues. Their infertility was simply deemed “unexplainable”. Their story didn’t end there; I will tell you how their story ended in my next post.
I have heard so many stories of other couples who have tried one way or another to conceive. One poor couple ended up having an ectopic pregnancy and after years of trying they simply gave up. My heart goes out to them and to the many others who are going through such a tough time. It is very common for women going through this to get depressed and I have even heard of couples getting divorced after all the stress that infertility may bring on. Feelings of loss and sadness also contribute to this issue and exacerbate an already volatile situation.
Please know that all these feelings of inadequacy, loss and even blame are normal and are best handled simply by accepting them. Accepting your emotions can help you move past them and towards a better place. Set a time limit on how much time (and money) you will invest on the fertility problem. This will give you some semblance of control. Make a plan “B” which may or may not include adopting a child instead. Check with your insurance carrier and find out what it does and does not cover to help with the financial burden. Also discuss with your doctor the different fertility treatments and options available and make decisions on what treatments you are willing to try and which ones are suitable for you. Try to find other couples that are going through the same issue or join a support group this way you don’t feel alone and hopeless. You can also get private counseling to help you along the way. The best advice I have heard from the couples that have gone through this is simply “DON’T GIVE UP HOPE!”
New Life Wellness OBGYN is here to help and offer hope. They listen to you and will treat you with the utmost respect. They have helped many couples going through infertility issues and they will help you feel empowered. Let them help to educate you on what next steps you can take. Call them or stop by any of their offices to schedule an appointment – most insurance are accepted.
Stay tuned for Part 3 of our Infertility Series in which we will see what treatments are available.
